今天心情是跌宕起伏

昨天下午答應的太急了
考慮不夠周詳
造成今天的忙碌與不安
今天短短的6小時，像是經歷一場大風浪，長達好幾天的風浪...

在種子擔任培育的老師也快一年了
只有這幾個月來的代課，讓我感受自己的地位
但是也因為代課，讓我發現自己的不足
很想有機會，可以帶著一班，與我一起成長
畢竟救火隊般的代課，並不能讓我了解我教學上的缺失
甚至在教學上也多所限制，因為我只是代課一兩節課
教學的指令與要求總是會有所限制

因緣際會下，我有個在國中補習班教學的機會，這都要感謝一隻羊了
只是今天在種子的詢問，讓我確定了我不可能另外在別的地方上課
的確，我是培訓老師，嚴格來說會造成技術外流
更何況一般的補習班，多班依據課內範圍進行教學
這是與種子的教學理念背道而馳，也因此我們自稱為Language School
而不是Cram School
我的想法與教法，也都來自於種子，如此，我更不該出走

我的本意，其實只是想讓自己的帶班與教學更加純熟
當然......
我也是將種子上層的意見列為考慮項目之一
也因為如此，我才會鼓起勇氣詢問
只是這引起的波瀾似乎過大，大於我的想像
我真的嚇到了

我想我與種子之間彷彿有著一種平衡，風浪一來
這個平衡會有所衝擊
引起波宕...誰是受害者？？ 都是
他們害怕培育一年的後進出走
我也害怕他們因誤會而擔心我是否不忠
還好，現在平衡回來了
現在擔心的，是這段波瀾引起的漣漪，會在同事間耳語多久...

接著，心情雖然因為與Cathy，還有執行長的談話而好轉
卻意外發現，昨天我答應老師帶國中英文之後
老師在這短短的一天之內，推掉所有應徵的人
電話中，老師無奈言詞中帶著一絲絲被背叛的滋味
我知道這是我的不對，薪水很吸引人，但是我無福消受
我在頻頻道歉中，答應幫老師找回這個缺，以彌補我的罪過
也許，這就是社會，我還在裡面學習。是非，順序，都要掌握
才能必免傷害

回頭想想，我的確因為想證明自己的能力，與想賺多點錢
而違背自己對英文的堅持
學英文是沒有教科書範圍的，就有如語言是沒有範圍一般
學無止盡，是精髓
而人也不能忘本，這分想法是誰給的，許諾給誰就要為這分許諾負責到底
我想這是我需要重新思考的地方
也重新學習
謹慎思考，以防止造成別人與自己的困擾
最後也感謝Anny的鼓勵!!

My heart is at peace.

After so many days of disconnection with Ko.
Maybe it's another kind of the end.
I was in love with Eva at the same time as now last year in Boston.
This is also the factor how I dare not touch affection-related thing from the day we broke up 1 month after we came back from Boston.
To fall in love quickly without knowing each other well and break up suddenly has become my nightmare.
Only the first step of knowing each other well can lead me to the next step of getting together.

Just now, I recieved an invitation of teaching in the classes after school, from 7-9 pm.
I know this is the time I back up myself with letting go the affection stuff.
I have to make more money before it is too late. This is the thing I won't wait for.
And as for a train before going into Seeds, I hope I can learn a lot from that. I will try my best.

達娜伊谷~頂湖~奮起湖

8/19-8/20 六-日
愛室寢的大家，出遊。這回沒什麼計畫，只知道有個頂湖，找到怎麼去，就衝了。
它是個什麼地方呢? 它其實是大凍山裡，有個地方叫"頂湖"，但真有其地方，不見其湖。
這趟旅程，像是一群都市的小孩，想脫去厚厚的心防，慵懶的生活，於是來到這片淨土。
說它是淨土不為過，在陣陣往返阿里山的車潮中，52.5 K 時轉進一條僻靜的小路，
好像在電影情節裡一般，幽暗的路旁，是棵棵聳立的樹林與竹林，看不到前方，因為霧氣瀰漫...
我們走了約20分，心情仍是緊張與興奮...之後撥雲見日般地，我們到了像是個小盆地的頂湖。
在頂湖約有四至五戶人家，多是種茶人家，也有提供民宿、露營場地、衛浴。
頂湖，讓我們驚訝地發現這就是我們嚮往的人間仙境...
只可惜天下著雨，我們取消露營，住進了一間民宿，一間房間1000元，很便宜。
就這樣，我們開始我們的活動，先是吃飯...
一吃就吃了6個小時...無言!! 結果吃完12點，沒有時間去玩別的活動。
但...
大家圍繞著吃飯，聊天，這就是我要的...大家都在一塊，沒有其他事，就是聊...
生活，未來，感想，甚至是針對每個人，我們都聊...
愜意的感覺伴隨著歡笑聲，在幽靜的山中迴盪。
山裡真的很涼爽，什麼是冷氣?? 不需要知道
阿里山脈真的是出乎意料，就是有著一些令人意想不到的好地方！

Life of a student teacher

It's been almost a week.
I go to my school every day.
Though I work only 3 hours a day, the work is heavy.
We, the student teachers there, assorted and distributed books these days.
There're about 2000 students in the school.
That's how the big school do every year when the school is about to start.
Tough work sparkled the permanent existence of the student teachers.

Finally the substitution almost comes to an end.
The taste of being a teacher will be like how I feel as a substitute teacher in Seeds.
Teaching with saying a lot becomes a killer of my throat.
I don't know the reason that hurts my voice.
Is it that I am just not accustomed to lecturing or I am not suitable to lecturing.
Who knows! I will try to conquer the problem.

上完課心情極差

今天代了 AM5 和 Edith 的課，代完後心情好差。
先代了AM5的，上了Reading，80分鐘上沒多少，半篇文章而已...
就公司的立場來考量，這是一堂沒有品質的英文課，應該是我拖了太多時間在名詞解釋上，文法不熟，沒有多提到太多，口說練習也不夠多...
重要的是，這是代課的最後一節，我感到有點不知該怎麼收尾，文章看到一半?還是把剩下的10分鐘拿來做什麼呢??
我完全沒有想法，真是可惡!!氣自己的無能!

接著騎著機車趕到復興總部，上Edith的課，一路上還試著安撫自己，心情好一點，還有一堂課要拼呢!
只是天不從人願，上的課破破碎碎的，唸了兩篇文章，大概解釋了一下意思，時間卻也差不多了，這時該一個一個唸嗎?
下回也沒代課，不是我上了，才想到自己不該連上兩篇，但已經太晚了。

痛恨自己的無知...

剛剛提起精神看了ptt的笑話板，心情才好一點，只是對於上課這檔事，還需多把勁，下點功夫!
天阿，還是沮喪......

5th Grade Class 1

Today I was distributed to 5th grade class 1. I am going to be with the students in 5-1 for the coming year. I don't know what I will confront, but I know I will grow up form it. It may be the hardship that push me to learn more about the thought of children, which sharps my technique of teaching. My teacher is 蔡淑菁, an expert teacher, who is nice to her students. For my first sight of her, she is good and respectful.
On the way to the new classroom, my heart was beating heavily as the children's. They were rearranged to their new class and I was just arranged to their class less than 1 hour earlier. We were on the way to different futures stemming from the same factor. Thinking of this, I walked closer to them. I think we were on the same boat, we were going to learn something.
Destiny...It was our fate to be students of teacher's college. We went to eat Cantonese meal on 長榮路 which was introduced by Paul who came to eat with us later. Destiny forced us to have no job guarantee. This big problem was what we talked. Never mind, we've known it for a long time. We were just complaining again though.

未來要開店，旅遊，真是雄心壯志!

今晚跟小草，謝沛，臺晏到湯姆熊玩。投籃與賭博，投籃投到到現在手還是很酸，賭博還好沒有玩太久，不然真會花太多，賭博真是太花錢了! 中途還被檢查身份，看來我的外表像是18歲以下...嘖嘖，真是有些難過，太小孩臉了!!都22歲了，擔心身體老化的年紀還要擔心看起來太年輕，真是矛盾。接著我們餓了，殺到大學路KFC，痛快地吃炸雞，聊聊天，我們這群男孩，聚在一起聊天跟女生一樣唧哩呱啦。大家想玩，出國玩，露營，預計明年去東南亞等的地方旅遊，價錢其實不貴，只看大家的意願，人數越多越好。講著講著，我又開始期待要出去玩了，最近期的計畫就是露營了，到時晚上大家也要來好好聊個心，希望到時友情可以更上一層樓；我們也聊到以後集資開店，把想開的店集中在一起，這也算是共同的夢想：謝沛想開間小簡餐店，當個好客的老闆，裡面要給臺晏擺模型，小黃去店外雜耍，小草在舞池奏鋼琴，拉小提琴，我說要在隔壁開間寵物餐廳，看來大家都有事做，就等30歲看大家錢存得怎麼樣了，這也是要筆大資金來投資的。大家加油囉!!

Come on, you think too much!!

Finally, I found me to be over worried. You just immersed you in books. That's so silly for me to think you try to avoid me after the day me went to the night market. So everything is all right and keeps on moving. I know and I will go on.

An unsure turning...

Since the night market night, some barriers seemed to block the way to each other. I don't know what has changed in your heart, but I am sure I feel no good. Maybe it's right for the turn. I dislike to push anything. I believe in destiny and myshelf. I will keep going on the road till its deadend with no hurry. I've got lots of things to do. Time will show the way. Cheer up! Go for it!

Astonishment & Happiness

Astonishment and happiness were the best use to discribe my experience today. I accidentally went to Seeds School early and had more time then. That's why I went out for release and exercise. As I came back and steped inside, Tammi gazed at me and asked if I should go to substitute in Whitman. I was shocked and wonder what's going on. Though Janet had gone to teach, I was still nervous to see a misunderstanding happen just like that happened two weeks ago. A sound shouted in my mind, "there must be something wrong!" Finally, that's Katie that made a mistake. She forgot to write Whitman on substitution sheet, so no one was responsible for the class, which turned out to be no teacher for Whitman for the first 20 mintues. Thanks heaven!
End of the astonishing stuff, here comes the happiness. Ko went to the night market with me for buying feed for fish. We talked a lot and that was really good. I like the way we gather and having fun. Ko is a beautiful girl for sure. The words of asking to be closer friends almost slipped out of my mouth. No matter what, I did have a good time. And I wish to go out with her someday and learn her more.