去年此時，我是廚工；今年今天，依舊軍中

當你遇上困難，是否會覺得忍一下，過去就好了...
當兵時，的確如此，痛苦的時候就拿起日曆，數數還剩幾天...

回到社會後呢?
用78歲減現在年齡，看人生還剩幾年痛苦結束嗎?
我知道不是，只是有時不爽的時候還真的會給它算下去...靠!

As I getting old, life gets more and more complicated.
Having children or getting married seems not my own choice to my own life.
How could marriage mean the same to us since we are diverse individuals and raised in different times?
Can carrying on the family line be the major factor of marriage?
I don't think so.
Can marriage guarantee the lifelong happiness of your child?
I don't think so.
I would never get married just for family line or skin-deep love to someone.

Anny has been suffering this disaster and I know it has ruined the atmosphere at home.
Negotiation is always out of the question because of Father's bad temper.
Some simple problems were stopped on the way to solutions.
A few days later, the chaos seemed to be eased while the problems went potential.
Little by little, the trifles were accumulated to an amount that tore your sense down.

And that's what happened to me now.
I'm really tired of your temper and stubbornness.
It's painful to stay in the army as well as at home.
One year has past and I am back to the start.

Leave the Army

Good days, good fresh air!
Through the magic freedom stuff
,what you think ordinary could be lovely
and adorable that you can't imagine.
Yes, I have got out of the evil place
, where you may lost yourself in the vanity of the class
or the fake justice of self-confidence.
It is really a poor and district place in the army.
What you can learn is to endure ridiculous things
and wait till the right time comes.
Fortunately, I stayed there hardly for only 11 months
to be free again though 11 months are long to me when I was in it.

I want to share a good song, "黃埔軍魂".

黃埔軍魂

國家的干城　革命的先鋒

文武合一　薪火相傳　為國為民盡忠

輝煌的歷史　光榮的傳統

如手如足　一心一德　個個都是英雄

親愛精誠　團結奮鬥肯犧牲

讓黃埔的精神　常在藍天上放光明

If I'd never been there, I would never know the song
, though the acquaintance came with my reluctance.
While enjoying this song, I think of the ancestors and pioneers in R.O.C.
Sacrificing for the nation reflects a passion that sparkles me a lot
and drives me into tears.
However, the patriotism fades out gradually these days.
I don't know if the nation is going down forever or just temporarily.
To fight together!
To back up one another!
Never forget how we got here.

I still have some hope in Taiwan.
God Bless Taiwan.

Life is tough,however you gotta be tougher

I almost cried....and I choked my tears back while they running in my eyes...
Through the phone, I heard grandma's voice, mild and warm.
She said, "I am okay and I feel better with my sick arm and leg."
I pretended to be released and congratulated her on her progress
, but my heart was grasped by the vibrating words grandpa said to me earlier
, "your grandma still needs medicine control and continuous exercise."
Yes, apparently she was better but not that better as we wished.

The body couldn't bear the salty food and aging.
Diabetes and then high blood pressure came to her.
What's worse, apoplexy came when I came back from Matsu for 13 days off in my military service.
I spent 6 days looking after her in the hospital.
In 6 days, I thought of my childhood, the happiest time I lived with my grandparents.
She was like my mother, holding me in her arms, taking care of me as her son.
She was once my harbor when I had some punishments.
Some kind of adoring, she made me rich. I could get whatever I want.
She was always smiling and good to me.

It's good to have you in my life.
I know you love me as I love you.
After you was sick, I suddenly felt afraid of losing you.
And I finally know how hurt it is to have anyone you love suffering from pains.
I worried and miss you everyday in Matsu.
I don't want to lose you and I hate to live in fear of losing you.
Life turned to be bitter and complex that I don't know how to go on.
I feel weak to fight with destiny, hard to win the tiring game.

Hope!
I hope the situation will be fine.
Since you've change your diet and drink water even you dislike it.
And it's time for the members in the family to show love to you.
At least I will do.
I got to be strong to accomplish it.
My dear Grandma......
Wish you health...

Aftermath of Loss

I dreamed of you, I dreamed of Boston
last night
with the chilly wind
with the dreamlike moonlight

I was in seventh heaven in it
however I woke up in a big loss
It's subconscious versus reality in me
I know
no matter which wins cannot change the result
-my unsuitability for you

We don't mean to each other
,which makes my heart break
,which makes me think of you still

Poor! But no help...
Eva...unforgettable...
I almost drowned in the river
going through space and time
toward you...dying...

生命何價

2007年末
就在最後一日
竟然是如此地不平靜
1035
我與同袍工作完
正坐著休息
轟然一響
一顆砲就在幾百公尺無預警地爆炸了
威力之大
整個中彈庫隨之動搖
大家長-庫長和其他留營長官
也在第一時間衝至現場
我們不能做什麼
只在旁邊觀看
不知道情況如何

全世界都在等著2008的第一秒來臨
一樣是火藥
卻可為人們捎來祝福
或為人們帶來悲傷
正當全台的大夥正前往各地準備倒數
中彈庫的軍官與士官卻全被緊急召回
原來就在轟的那聲一結束
也結束了一條寶貴的生命
19歲
即將擁有的青春年華
竟就這麼硬生生被奪走

有種很奇怪的緣份
一件憾事
說是發生在我身處的營區
卻也非我單位
與我無關
但是我卻以支援隊待撥新兵身份
前去幫忙
守靈、悼唸

在國軍803醫院的靈堂
我孤坐在沙發上
眼前是一只棺木
他躺在裡邊吧...我心裡想著
沒有不安與害怕
平靜的心情使我繼續思考
我竟然在他的身旁
一位不認識的弟兄的身旁

這麼奇妙的相逢
上天要傳達什麼給我吧
我看著旗子上寫著萬安生命
生命這兩個字現在對我來說
怎麼這麼難以得到
死亡...卻是這麼使人震驚
有些在外遊蕩，做著傷害自己的事的人
與這位躺在棺木內的弟兄
有種無以言喻的對比

他的姑姑來了
負責處理他的後事
很堅強
總是面對著我們
微笑著與我們說謝謝
信佛的人
心中的壓力也許可以分擔給信仰
只是聽著她與死去的他講話
我發現我喉嚨哽咽
眼泛著淚水
大好前程阿!
可以做好多事情阿!
沒機會了!
未知數的未來阿!
轟然一聲一切喊停...不勝唏噓!!

心中多唸阿彌陀佛，讓他一路好走!

病痛纏身

難以想像
與相愛的人分離
會是多麼痛苦

我的一切
是父母所給的
當然
就是為了這份親情的愛
我活著
讓愛我的人快樂

卻在我發現自己越來越有能力可以回報
卻也讓我發現自己的時間有限
媽媽的腳傷
爸爸的肝病
讓我更珍惜與家人相處的每一分每一秒
好像這就是世界

國高中晚自習，別的同學坐校車回家
我有爸爸專車接送
好心的爸爸還會幫忙載2位同學回家
讓我覺得很驕傲

而無敵爸爸的形象在高中時期破滅
但讓我了解父親也是一般人
也有心情不好的時候
也有開心到引吭高歌的時候
也有堅持到固執己見的時候
爸爸長期塑造的可怕
因形象破滅
讓我更認識他
對他由害怕轉變成喜歡

看著爸爸無奈地吃藥
加上我的難過
我了解愛護自己的身體
不只是愛自己
也是為了保謢自己所愛的人
B肝的疫苗
真的要做
全台灣每5個人就有一人有肝病
充斥在高危險的環境
還不打個疫苗產生抗體
就真的是笨蛋了

希望上天能讓我擁有長一點回報的時間
我只是希望這快樂的時光可以延續久一點

Long-term Friendship, who would you let in?

Last night, on my way home
, I felt sad and grown up.
To the 5-year-long friendship, I wondered,
"What did I give?","What have I got?"
Who will be in my list to call to gather after 10 or 20 years?
Happy and crazy memories
with some angry and frustrated stories
made my life colorful.
Knowing how to communicate
, learning how to be a good man
without losing own principles.
I was sure to be socialized
, no matter for the bright side or the dark side.
I've got skills of avoiding embarrassed situation
, making an atmosphere to go smoothly.

I think of myself as a good guy
who dedicates himself to friends.
On the way home with my salary
, I will buy food for my roommate
for sharing my happiness.
Though for some reasons I stopped this behavior
, I didn't stop paying my concerns to them.
Sometimes the feedback hurt my heart
even I thought I didn't need any feedback.
"If there's no plus feelings for me
, at least don't give me minus ones."
, I shouted in my mind.

Therefore I learned, be sure to give without
thinking of feedbacks or just don't even give
one tiny piece.
Is it called socialized? or shrewd?
I would say it is called selfish.

To devote or endure something you don't really like
for your friend is called friendship!
How do you think?
If you can't be like me, heart to heart,
how about just give me a thank?
Then I would feel all I've done are worthwhile.

No thanks.
I felt frustrated.
And I don't like this kind of evil peace.
Getting rid of some evil friendship may be good
cause I really can't take it for a lifelong one.

Maybe I think too much.
Whatever!!!

Intersection

A month's gone.

Time to leave

,to turn a new leaf.

What are you supposed to see?

A new leaf written friendship

, coworker or superior?

I've been tired

wandering about the intersection

complicated ways toward the future

, unexpective future

, dreadful future

or, maybe, shimmering future

, wealthy future......who knows...

Pondering, shivering,

I move as I were stuck in a black cave

struggling but to useless

because there was no light at all.

Friends

are treasures
glowing in one's life.
Family
is also jewelry
to one.
Life is it all about.

Since I've got the most
precious friendship and family
, why could I get lost?
I need energy
, more and more
to enhance my power against
anxiety.
I need to know what I should be!

It doesn't Count to Say You Love Them Only

This morning I got a mission right after I woke up.
It is from the Black Zoo.
I had to help my friends to move the cats out.
The poor cats were kept in an old man's house.
I would rather say it a hell than a house.
It's a hell for the cats.
Three cats living in a small cage
,a cute cat with its mouth bleeding
and a scared cat lying on its own poo
are horrible sights you don't dare to see again.

Especially, the smell in the house is gross
that made me want to choke myself instead of having a breath.
How can the couple live in there?!
I can't believe it.
What I care most are the cats
because they don't choose to live there.
I can even see innocent eyes with tears shining to mine.
It's like their telling me to let them free.

Do you really think you love them?
Do you really think they're all you have last?
Maybe you do, but the kitten don't.
They deserve better care.
Do you want to live in a small and stinky house
with your friends chockablock for the entire life?
Have you ever thought of them on their sight?

After we got almost the cats out the hell
, I leave for home like escaping from a nightmare.
Seeing cats being prisoned badly made me upset.
I hope this kind of selfish behavior can become less and less.

真他馬的氣死人！

繁殖場受虐犬 丟給流浪動物之家
　　
〔記者楊美紅／南縣報導〕
　　又見繁殖場受虐犬！關廟清潔隊將寵物繁殖場內三十二隻割除聲帶、罹患皮膚病的受虐犬，送入善化流浪動物之家，兩隻杜賓瘦成皮包骨，即將被安樂死，動物保護團體希望主管機關將繁殖場列入觀察名單，但家畜疾病防治所沒有追蹤來源，義工直呼：「我們交的稅，竟然用來助紂為虐！」　　　　　　
　　任教於台南女子技術學院的楊宗峰，擔任流浪動物義工多年，他指出上週清潔隊送來的有杜賓、黃金獵犬、拉不拉多、米格魯等，因為飼養風潮已過，繁殖場將老邁的犬隻淘汰，這些成犬全都被割除聲帶，有些還有嚴重皮膚病、腳趾甲過長蜷曲，已構成虐待行為，卻不見主管機關介入調查，反而協助業者將犬隻安樂死。
　　楊宗峰表示，繁殖場經常將家畜疾病防治所當成下游單位，把淘汰的犬隻送到這裡來。
　　家畜疾病防治所表示，台南縣少有繁殖場，但有七十多間具有買賣執照的寵物店，目前防治所都與商家簽訂合約，結束營業時要將犬隻送入流浪動物之家管理或送人，避免流浪狗問題。這次送來的犬隻狀況不一，由於業者委由清潔隊運送，尚未反向追蹤犬隻來源，但會進行了解。
　　流浪動物關懷協會表示，家畜疾病防治所附設的流浪動物之家，若是接收到繁殖場送來的犬隻，有可能是結束營業，不得已全送來，協會願意輔導、協助這些棄養犬找到新家。但問題是，放眼所及全是受虐犬且罹病，顯見繁殖場品管、照料能力出現弊病，主管機關應該主動介入，將繁殖場列管。
圖一：台南縣某繁殖場，將受虐杜賓送入流浪動物之家，讓民眾搖頭。(記者楊美紅攝)
圖二：活潑可愛的黃金獵犬，已遭繁殖場割除聲帶，並送入流動之家淘汰。(記者楊美紅攝)

業者卸責 官方應介入
　　記者楊美紅／特稿
　　台南縣家畜疾病防治所附設流浪動物之家，是人民納稅、有編列預算的公家單位，除了處理民眾送來的流浪狗，毫無疑問地也包括民間繁殖場送來的棄犬，但其中有所為有所不為，自有可受公評之處。
　　流浪動物之家並不是單純收容所，事實上，更接近於中途之家，在這裡，寵物只有七天停留期，超過七天無人認養，便給予安樂死。流浪狗被認養或被處死的機會，和其血統、年齡、健康情況息息相關。
　　寵物繁殖場將又老又病的狗送往流浪動物之家，但流浪動物之家認養率僅一成，繁殖場飼主也許經濟條件差，或不願意花費時間、金錢照料，將罹患皮膚病的老狗送入流浪動物之家，無疑早已宣判安樂死的命運。
　　寵物繁殖場由於申請過程嚴格，多要具有農田、廢水處理、犬舍建物執照等條件，也因此少人申請，多數還轉入地下，若發生虐待流浪狗情事，很少能第一時間掌握。但站在尊重生命的立場，主管機關應該要有魄力去了解各繁殖場、寵物店的現況，主動將需要輔導、列管的對象建檔觀察，否則無法獲得國際保育人士認同。
轉自 ▲自由時報

台灣人真的沒有資格養名種犬
沒有嚴格的繁殖法規、完善的買賣領養規則
再加上
可悲的教育制度與傳統觀念
教出一群毫無責任心與愛心的人

除了唯利是圖的繁殖業者
想養名種犬的人更是可惡的幫凶
你們想必是把這些有感情的動物當成裝飾品吧
寧可幫他買一條上萬的LV項圈
但是晶片和疫苗的區區一兩千卻付不起
心裡認為可愛的她應該要組成家庭生寶寶
就幫她配種
結果他們的小孩還不是拿去賣錢
沒有正確的豢養經驗
也難怪會有沒家教的狗狗
但是無知的你們還認為是狗笨，教不會
你才笨，不懂狗，還把狗當人教

沒有需求
怎會有購買行為呢？
小狗在出生後的3個月就已奠定他日後的行為表現
你知道嗎？
你以為狗喜歡睡在自己的大便旁邊嗎？
但是你就是這樣子讓他們生活著
也難怪這些可憐的狗媽媽教不出愛乾淨的小狗
可悲阿

政府在搞什麼
立法人員在幹什麼
打架嗎
除了打架你們還會什麼？
空有權利不會做事的非人就是你們！
我們需要有力的法律減少台灣流浪動物的數量
但是你們只想使用安樂死消極的作法
經費還漸漸刪減
真搞不懂你們腦袋是不是裝大便

若是
有那麼一天
每個生命的出生都伴隨著祝福
領養亦或買賣都牽入法律效力
每個人對於動物都當成家人
不離不棄
即使真的無法再養
也會負責任地幫他找下一個主人
結紮、預防針、晶片也都會做
而
繁殖業者也可以配合政府
利用他們對於繁殖動物的專業知識
培育出優良的小狗
那台灣
或許才可以有資格養名種動物
但我想
若是到那種情況
名種動物也不會那麼歡迎了
因為這些人們知道
他們的寶貝擄獲人心
是因為天真與可愛
不是花色與品種
那我真的可以大呼世界和平了！

那天真的會到來嗎？
呵呵...
做夢完還是回到現實
繼續做TNR，繼續散播想法吧！
參考資料：大敦寵物醫療中心。戴更基-別只給我一根狗骨頭。貓咪論壇-烏漆媽黑收容所

何去何從

在永華國小的501班前
我倚靠在牆上
望著四樓下的景色
這種無助感
第一次如此強烈

若是有個未來
一個雖具挑戰但不失為可靠的未來
不必擔心失業的未來

只是不幸的
卻事先了解未來將面對的難題
也許因人因時而解
或也許會更加棘手

這可愛的未來
該放棄嗎
這兩三年來的目標
該放棄嗎
這一年來的努力
該放棄嗎

像是被判了死刑一般
我的心被絞在勾心鬥角的惡繩之上
手卻不戰而慄地退縮
沒有拯救自己的信心

原來沒有未來的人最可憐
一雙明亮的雙眼
被一片黑暗禁錮
流著淚也見不著
只有啜泣的聲音
迴盪在沙場前方

我

不戰而敗

Depth of Life

Since life will die away, why does life begin?
It's been a issue to ponder.
I started to get into the swamp of the question this year.

To live or to die, that is the question.
Ideas of letting go or embracing linger in my mind recently.

Yesterday, Anny told me the cat(A-Nan) we saved was examined
to have F.I.P. and AIDS.
What should we do?
We've paid a lot of money and effort to bring the cat with renal failure
from hell before we knew he was infected with those diseases.
Maybe A-Nan didn't have to suffer so badly if we do him a check and then euthanasia.
Unfortunately, he still has to be judged to death or not after he conquered Death.
I once made a decision of euthanasia to him easily
, but I hesitated when I saw A-Nan's eyes and heard his meows for food.
Yes, A-Nan wants to live and show his determination to live.
My dear! Why don't we give him a chance.

This is why I keep thinking over.
Since A-Nan is infected, he has to live alone forever if he can live.
Moreover, A-Nan may not find a keeper
and will threaten the other healthy cats if we keep him.
I have to admit that sometimes sympathy to one may be cruel to the others.

Does he have to go?
We are still thinking over it
thought many people in Black Zoo insist on letting him go.

I suddenly realize this situation is called life.
Life contains happiness, sadness, fury, despair and hope.
Once one is missing, then you are having an incomplete life.
A complete life is like a colorful rainbow.
Each color stands for one mood.

I heard "You kids are blest with no worries" when I was a child.
Now I will change the saying to
"You kids will become miserable if you don't know what life is."
Life is cruel and you will cherish the happiness you own.
What is the depth of life?
The more you get involved life, the deeper you will experience.

damn quarrels

I hate quarrels.
Sometimes they occur unexpectfully.

These days I suffered this sort of unhappiness with friends I live with.
It was painful actually
,but I can see the significant facters separating our friendship
are only misunderstanding and the lack of polite manners of communication.
That's solvable.
And I was taught a lesson, a big lesson.

I hope each other can do their best to keep the friendship to go long
if both think it as important treasure.
I cherish friends and family.
I always try my best to force myself to be nice to others as I do to myself.

Through more incidents challenging friendship
,you will know more how precious good friends are.

I don't know what will happen to us (XXX&Taiyen&I)after we split 6 months later.
I do worry about it now.

Terrible News...

I didn't pass it....
What a pity!!
I eventually know my capability. What a weak person I am.

GEPT hasn't been that hard if I had given it my all.
Now, through the grades on the page, it was proved a long way to reach for me by my laziness.
All right, I still have to motivate myself to get involved in English learning.

So many people study hard when I am taking a rest.
Even though they are somewhere I don't know, but they do exist.
And this situation is permanent and good for inspiring passion to victory.

Do it. Fight for the next battle.

今天心情是跌宕起伏

昨天下午答應的太急了
考慮不夠周詳
造成今天的忙碌與不安
今天短短的6小時，像是經歷一場大風浪，長達好幾天的風浪...

在種子擔任培育的老師也快一年了
只有這幾個月來的代課，讓我感受自己的地位
但是也因為代課，讓我發現自己的不足
很想有機會，可以帶著一班，與我一起成長
畢竟救火隊般的代課，並不能讓我了解我教學上的缺失
甚至在教學上也多所限制，因為我只是代課一兩節課
教學的指令與要求總是會有所限制

因緣際會下，我有個在國中補習班教學的機會，這都要感謝一隻羊了
只是今天在種子的詢問，讓我確定了我不可能另外在別的地方上課
的確，我是培訓老師，嚴格來說會造成技術外流
更何況一般的補習班，多班依據課內範圍進行教學
這是與種子的教學理念背道而馳，也因此我們自稱為Language School
而不是Cram School
我的想法與教法，也都來自於種子，如此，我更不該出走

我的本意，其實只是想讓自己的帶班與教學更加純熟
當然......
我也是將種子上層的意見列為考慮項目之一
也因為如此，我才會鼓起勇氣詢問
只是這引起的波瀾似乎過大，大於我的想像
我真的嚇到了

我想我與種子之間彷彿有著一種平衡，風浪一來
這個平衡會有所衝擊
引起波宕...誰是受害者？？ 都是
他們害怕培育一年的後進出走
我也害怕他們因誤會而擔心我是否不忠
還好，現在平衡回來了
現在擔心的，是這段波瀾引起的漣漪，會在同事間耳語多久...

接著，心情雖然因為與Cathy，還有執行長的談話而好轉
卻意外發現，昨天我答應老師帶國中英文之後
老師在這短短的一天之內，推掉所有應徵的人
電話中，老師無奈言詞中帶著一絲絲被背叛的滋味
我知道這是我的不對，薪水很吸引人，但是我無福消受
我在頻頻道歉中，答應幫老師找回這個缺，以彌補我的罪過
也許，這就是社會，我還在裡面學習。是非，順序，都要掌握
才能必免傷害

回頭想想，我的確因為想證明自己的能力，與想賺多點錢
而違背自己對英文的堅持
學英文是沒有教科書範圍的，就有如語言是沒有範圍一般
學無止盡，是精髓
而人也不能忘本，這分想法是誰給的，許諾給誰就要為這分許諾負責到底
我想這是我需要重新思考的地方
也重新學習
謹慎思考，以防止造成別人與自己的困擾
最後也感謝Anny的鼓勵!!

上完課心情極差

今天代了 AM5 和 Edith 的課，代完後心情好差。
先代了AM5的，上了Reading，80分鐘上沒多少，半篇文章而已...
就公司的立場來考量，這是一堂沒有品質的英文課，應該是我拖了太多時間在名詞解釋上，文法不熟，沒有多提到太多，口說練習也不夠多...
重要的是，這是代課的最後一節，我感到有點不知該怎麼收尾，文章看到一半?還是把剩下的10分鐘拿來做什麼呢??
我完全沒有想法，真是可惡!!氣自己的無能!

接著騎著機車趕到復興總部，上Edith的課，一路上還試著安撫自己，心情好一點，還有一堂課要拼呢!
只是天不從人願，上的課破破碎碎的，唸了兩篇文章，大概解釋了一下意思，時間卻也差不多了，這時該一個一個唸嗎?
下回也沒代課，不是我上了，才想到自己不該連上兩篇，但已經太晚了。

痛恨自己的無知...

剛剛提起精神看了ptt的笑話板，心情才好一點，只是對於上課這檔事，還需多把勁，下點功夫!
天阿，還是沮喪......

A cold war aroused a difficulty.

It happened so fast and so secretly that I couldn't perceive it in no time. That's how the outbreak of the cold war burst. I woke up on Saturday and had only NT$100 last for my one-day expense. I walked out for my breakfast instead of asking XXX(圓圓) who was awake already to go with me. Happily coming back with my breakfast, I found the name of MSN Messenger of his has changed. He regretted that he moved out to live with Taiyen(臺晏) and me and had to pay more for the rent for the room where 3 people stayed together. He was also annoyed by the smell of the kittens, which forced me to pack the kittens and sent them back home immediately. I was frustrated to see the complaint go first by words rather than by talking with me first. Friends should talk and a cold war is really unnecessary. I had gone back home for release and now I am ready to confront the tricky question. He has been accustomed to dominating almost everything. And his being changeable in mood has made the roommates to condescend to make up a pleasant atmosphere.
Last night, each roommates discussed to solve the tough problem. All of us wanted to be together nicely with everyone, so we had to get rid of some bad atmosphere that seemed pleasant apparently. Hard work will test our friendship. I am looking forward to a happy ending.

Finally,the end comes.....it's over!

該來的....還是來了，彼此都沒心吧，不然怎能說放就放？一千萬個理由比不上一句不喜歡，原來，短短5分鐘之隔的兩校，也可以有這般遠的距離...一切的回憶回到原點，Boston...我們還是忘記了吧，甚至把那份溫暖，那份感覺遺留在那，忘在熟悉的Square１ Mall，放在Harvard Square......，或是Downtown Crossing外的街上...通往Square１ Mall的Route１， 很長很長，陪著你走的雙腳卻不這麼覺得，牛奶好重好重，拿著它的手卻不那樣認為。宮廷式的中國餐廳似乎近在眼前，呼嚣而過的車聲亦十分刺耳，夢中出現的情景一再的上演，牽著你手的溫度卻慢慢降溫，抓不回...任何一絲絲快樂...
大學四年以來最忙的一學期，壓力最大的一年，原本以為一切都可以因為你而甘之如飴，一個月的不連絡早就慢慢澆熄我的心，為什麼我要堅持不打給你呢？這個月到底發生什麼事...讓你的未來不容許我，累死了...早知道，12月02日就不要遇到你，寧可從此了無音訊，也不願就此將這份感情停住。我該繼續追嗎？事情會有我想像的未來嗎？我到底要不要繼續追...會再一次的受傷嗎？

November 3rd = A Big Misery?

本來還自傲的以為，記得你的生日，笑話一場......對你還是不夠了解～是沒機會還是我懦弱...
上禮拜的要求失敗讓我跌入谷底，今已不管未來如何，相信我們的相處模式該是如此，為其改變自我的人是誰...我該低頭嗎？亦或是繼續逃避，其實每每孤單一人想起美國行，總是好大的落差，自己也不知道該如何是好，也好，這學期的忙讓我有理由逃避現實，今後呢？
11月2日生日快樂─除此之外真不知還有何祝福，快樂為何，快樂既是自給的，又何需要人祝福，這句祝福不外乎是要求人心的成長，能從任何事中得其優而樂，視其劣而勢吧！
人終究是群體生物，需要取人信任而生，優越他人而活，人卑劣嗎？非也，這是天性，只需要求自己不傷害他人即可，但這其實也是最難的部分。似乎人人總是不自覺得在傷害彼此，心臟不夠強的人最後就會走上絕路。
有時該做最壞的打算，才能對一切事物放開，也才能做到完善盡美，我也認了，幾乎認為自己無法放得開的，最後還是逼著自己想通，早在第一次傷痛中領悟到，該是自己的終究會是自己的，不該是自己的，就算強求也是得不到。放開才能與在乎的人有最完美的結局，放不開，只會帶來更大的傷害。以為自己是聖人嗎？還是對自己好一點吧！