今天心情是跌宕起伏

昨天下午答應的太急了
考慮不夠周詳
造成今天的忙碌與不安
今天短短的6小時，像是經歷一場大風浪，長達好幾天的風浪...

在種子擔任培育的老師也快一年了
只有這幾個月來的代課，讓我感受自己的地位
但是也因為代課，讓我發現自己的不足
很想有機會，可以帶著一班，與我一起成長
畢竟救火隊般的代課，並不能讓我了解我教學上的缺失
甚至在教學上也多所限制，因為我只是代課一兩節課
教學的指令與要求總是會有所限制

因緣際會下，我有個在國中補習班教學的機會，這都要感謝一隻羊了
只是今天在種子的詢問，讓我確定了我不可能另外在別的地方上課
的確，我是培訓老師，嚴格來說會造成技術外流
更何況一般的補習班，多班依據課內範圍進行教學
這是與種子的教學理念背道而馳，也因此我們自稱為Language School
而不是Cram School
我的想法與教法，也都來自於種子，如此，我更不該出走

我的本意，其實只是想讓自己的帶班與教學更加純熟
當然......
我也是將種子上層的意見列為考慮項目之一
也因為如此，我才會鼓起勇氣詢問
只是這引起的波瀾似乎過大，大於我的想像
我真的嚇到了

我想我與種子之間彷彿有著一種平衡，風浪一來
這個平衡會有所衝擊
引起波宕...誰是受害者？？ 都是
他們害怕培育一年的後進出走
我也害怕他們因誤會而擔心我是否不忠
還好，現在平衡回來了
現在擔心的，是這段波瀾引起的漣漪，會在同事間耳語多久...

接著，心情雖然因為與Cathy，還有執行長的談話而好轉
卻意外發現，昨天我答應老師帶國中英文之後
老師在這短短的一天之內，推掉所有應徵的人
電話中，老師無奈言詞中帶著一絲絲被背叛的滋味
我知道這是我的不對，薪水很吸引人，但是我無福消受
我在頻頻道歉中，答應幫老師找回這個缺，以彌補我的罪過
也許，這就是社會，我還在裡面學習。是非，順序，都要掌握
才能必免傷害

回頭想想，我的確因為想證明自己的能力，與想賺多點錢
而違背自己對英文的堅持
學英文是沒有教科書範圍的，就有如語言是沒有範圍一般
學無止盡，是精髓
而人也不能忘本，這分想法是誰給的，許諾給誰就要為這分許諾負責到底
我想這是我需要重新思考的地方
也重新學習
謹慎思考，以防止造成別人與自己的困擾
最後也感謝Anny的鼓勵!!

My heart is at peace.

After so many days of disconnection with Ko.
Maybe it's another kind of the end.
I was in love with Eva at the same time as now last year in Boston.
This is also the factor how I dare not touch affection-related thing from the day we broke up 1 month after we came back from Boston.
To fall in love quickly without knowing each other well and break up suddenly has become my nightmare.
Only the first step of knowing each other well can lead me to the next step of getting together.

Just now, I recieved an invitation of teaching in the classes after school, from 7-9 pm.
I know this is the time I back up myself with letting go the affection stuff.
I have to make more money before it is too late. This is the thing I won't wait for.
And as for a train before going into Seeds, I hope I can learn a lot from that. I will try my best.

達娜伊谷~頂湖~奮起湖

8/19-8/20 六-日
愛室寢的大家，出遊。這回沒什麼計畫，只知道有個頂湖，找到怎麼去，就衝了。
它是個什麼地方呢? 它其實是大凍山裡，有個地方叫"頂湖"，但真有其地方，不見其湖。
這趟旅程，像是一群都市的小孩，想脫去厚厚的心防，慵懶的生活，於是來到這片淨土。
說它是淨土不為過，在陣陣往返阿里山的車潮中，52.5 K 時轉進一條僻靜的小路，
好像在電影情節裡一般，幽暗的路旁，是棵棵聳立的樹林與竹林，看不到前方，因為霧氣瀰漫...
我們走了約20分，心情仍是緊張與興奮...之後撥雲見日般地，我們到了像是個小盆地的頂湖。
在頂湖約有四至五戶人家，多是種茶人家，也有提供民宿、露營場地、衛浴。
頂湖，讓我們驚訝地發現這就是我們嚮往的人間仙境...
只可惜天下著雨，我們取消露營，住進了一間民宿，一間房間1000元，很便宜。
就這樣，我們開始我們的活動，先是吃飯...
一吃就吃了6個小時...無言!! 結果吃完12點，沒有時間去玩別的活動。
但...
大家圍繞著吃飯，聊天，這就是我要的...大家都在一塊，沒有其他事，就是聊...
生活，未來，感想，甚至是針對每個人，我們都聊...
愜意的感覺伴隨著歡笑聲，在幽靜的山中迴盪。
山裡真的很涼爽，什麼是冷氣?? 不需要知道
阿里山脈真的是出乎意料，就是有著一些令人意想不到的好地方！

Life of a student teacher

It's been almost a week.
I go to my school every day.
Though I work only 3 hours a day, the work is heavy.
We, the student teachers there, assorted and distributed books these days.
There're about 2000 students in the school.
That's how the big school do every year when the school is about to start.
Tough work sparkled the permanent existence of the student teachers.

Finally the substitution almost comes to an end.
The taste of being a teacher will be like how I feel as a substitute teacher in Seeds.
Teaching with saying a lot becomes a killer of my throat.
I don't know the reason that hurts my voice.
Is it that I am just not accustomed to lecturing or I am not suitable to lecturing.
Who knows! I will try to conquer the problem.

上完課心情極差

今天代了 AM5 和 Edith 的課，代完後心情好差。
先代了AM5的，上了Reading，80分鐘上沒多少，半篇文章而已...
就公司的立場來考量，這是一堂沒有品質的英文課，應該是我拖了太多時間在名詞解釋上，文法不熟，沒有多提到太多，口說練習也不夠多...
重要的是，這是代課的最後一節，我感到有點不知該怎麼收尾，文章看到一半?還是把剩下的10分鐘拿來做什麼呢??
我完全沒有想法，真是可惡!!氣自己的無能!

接著騎著機車趕到復興總部，上Edith的課，一路上還試著安撫自己，心情好一點，還有一堂課要拼呢!
只是天不從人願，上的課破破碎碎的，唸了兩篇文章，大概解釋了一下意思，時間卻也差不多了，這時該一個一個唸嗎?
下回也沒代課，不是我上了，才想到自己不該連上兩篇，但已經太晚了。

痛恨自己的無知...

剛剛提起精神看了ptt的笑話板，心情才好一點，只是對於上課這檔事，還需多把勁，下點功夫!
天阿，還是沮喪......

5th Grade Class 1

Today I was distributed to 5th grade class 1. I am going to be with the students in 5-1 for the coming year. I don't know what I will confront, but I know I will grow up form it. It may be the hardship that push me to learn more about the thought of children, which sharps my technique of teaching. My teacher is 蔡淑菁, an expert teacher, who is nice to her students. For my first sight of her, she is good and respectful.
On the way to the new classroom, my heart was beating heavily as the children's. They were rearranged to their new class and I was just arranged to their class less than 1 hour earlier. We were on the way to different futures stemming from the same factor. Thinking of this, I walked closer to them. I think we were on the same boat, we were going to learn something.
Destiny...It was our fate to be students of teacher's college. We went to eat Cantonese meal on 長榮路 which was introduced by Paul who came to eat with us later. Destiny forced us to have no job guarantee. This big problem was what we talked. Never mind, we've known it for a long time. We were just complaining again though.

未來要開店，旅遊，真是雄心壯志!

今晚跟小草，謝沛，臺晏到湯姆熊玩。投籃與賭博，投籃投到到現在手還是很酸，賭博還好沒有玩太久，不然真會花太多，賭博真是太花錢了! 中途還被檢查身份，看來我的外表像是18歲以下...嘖嘖，真是有些難過，太小孩臉了!!都22歲了，擔心身體老化的年紀還要擔心看起來太年輕，真是矛盾。接著我們餓了，殺到大學路KFC，痛快地吃炸雞，聊聊天，我們這群男孩，聚在一起聊天跟女生一樣唧哩呱啦。大家想玩，出國玩，露營，預計明年去東南亞等的地方旅遊，價錢其實不貴，只看大家的意願，人數越多越好。講著講著，我又開始期待要出去玩了，最近期的計畫就是露營了，到時晚上大家也要來好好聊個心，希望到時友情可以更上一層樓；我們也聊到以後集資開店，把想開的店集中在一起，這也算是共同的夢想：謝沛想開間小簡餐店，當個好客的老闆，裡面要給臺晏擺模型，小黃去店外雜耍，小草在舞池奏鋼琴，拉小提琴，我說要在隔壁開間寵物餐廳，看來大家都有事做，就等30歲看大家錢存得怎麼樣了，這也是要筆大資金來投資的。大家加油囉!!

Come on, you think too much!!

Finally, I found me to be over worried. You just immersed you in books. That's so silly for me to think you try to avoid me after the day me went to the night market. So everything is all right and keeps on moving. I know and I will go on.

An unsure turning...

Since the night market night, some barriers seemed to block the way to each other. I don't know what has changed in your heart, but I am sure I feel no good. Maybe it's right for the turn. I dislike to push anything. I believe in destiny and myshelf. I will keep going on the road till its deadend with no hurry. I've got lots of things to do. Time will show the way. Cheer up! Go for it!

Astonishment & Happiness

Astonishment and happiness were the best use to discribe my experience today. I accidentally went to Seeds School early and had more time then. That's why I went out for release and exercise. As I came back and steped inside, Tammi gazed at me and asked if I should go to substitute in Whitman. I was shocked and wonder what's going on. Though Janet had gone to teach, I was still nervous to see a misunderstanding happen just like that happened two weeks ago. A sound shouted in my mind, "there must be something wrong!" Finally, that's Katie that made a mistake. She forgot to write Whitman on substitution sheet, so no one was responsible for the class, which turned out to be no teacher for Whitman for the first 20 mintues. Thanks heaven!
End of the astonishing stuff, here comes the happiness. Ko went to the night market with me for buying feed for fish. We talked a lot and that was really good. I like the way we gather and having fun. Ko is a beautiful girl for sure. The words of asking to be closer friends almost slipped out of my mouth. No matter what, I did have a good time. And I wish to go out with her someday and learn her more.

岀遊6日

這幾天的日子過的很充實，也很緊促。從7/22﹝六﹞英檢考完後，下午即趕至高雄布魯樂谷，玩水，玩得不亦樂乎，晚上還到音保家住了一宿。采伶說這算是最後一次的大學同學聚會，之後大家忙起實習，考教甄，就沒什麼時間了。我想之後是等4年後的陶板屋了，金虎與大家的約定，2010年的聚會人數達20人，每人一客陶板屋。當然是一定參加的了^^!!
隔日，我們就陸陸續續回家，我直接前往台南，與Anny會合，繼續朝台北前進，這次的成員是School上班的同事，目標是逛街與故宮、九份。這接下來的5日是重頭戲，正因逢School的放假，這群人們可是期待了很久。只是大家的價值觀不同，興趣不一，逛起來其實不是十分自在。
相較這兩次，高雄與台北，我覺得高雄之旅的氣氛較佳，讓我玩得瘋狂，也回憶十足。朋友真是人生中難得，像是上帝賜與的珍貴禮物，這是經由互相付出得來的信任與愉悅而來，與親情不同。
朋友在我眼中，分門別類，有看電影的朋友、聊心的朋友、打屁的朋友、工作的朋友。每個朋友在我的心中地位不同，但都佔有一塊地方，想出去看風景，踏踏青，知道該找誰，心情不好，想吐吐苦水，也知道哪幾位願意傾聽。朋友的界定很重要，找對的人做該做的事也很重要。

A cold war aroused a difficulty.

It happened so fast and so secretly that I couldn't perceive it in no time. That's how the outbreak of the cold war burst. I woke up on Saturday and had only NT$100 last for my one-day expense. I walked out for my breakfast instead of asking XXX(圓圓) who was awake already to go with me. Happily coming back with my breakfast, I found the name of MSN Messenger of his has changed. He regretted that he moved out to live with Taiyen(臺晏) and me and had to pay more for the rent for the room where 3 people stayed together. He was also annoyed by the smell of the kittens, which forced me to pack the kittens and sent them back home immediately. I was frustrated to see the complaint go first by words rather than by talking with me first. Friends should talk and a cold war is really unnecessary. I had gone back home for release and now I am ready to confront the tricky question. He has been accustomed to dominating almost everything. And his being changeable in mood has made the roommates to condescend to make up a pleasant atmosphere.
Last night, each roommates discussed to solve the tough problem. All of us wanted to be together nicely with everyone, so we had to get rid of some bad atmosphere that seemed pleasant apparently. Hard work will test our friendship. I am looking forward to a happy ending.

Things don't go smoothly.

These days were really not for me. I accidentally didn't go to substitute the class on Monday, which made me immediately want to shout out to stop the time, stop the embarrassment. And I was irritated by the clerks serve at the counter the next day. Then the computer died yesterday night when I went home happily. Every thing seems wrong to me and I am the only victim of all the tragedies. My mood is low and especially it is the time when I am thinking of taking her or not. 7/22 shall be a busy day-GEPT test & Blue Lagoon Water Park, I hope it is going to be smooth then!

Someone in my heart...something in embryo

Sometimes I fall, but the view seems more bright and wide to me after I get up. Though I has been afraid of breaking up, I get my strength when love comes to knock on my door. It's called affection, for the girl who is diligent, graceful, brilliant, nice and beautiful. I noticed her when we were teaching as practice teachers in Bo-ai(博愛)Elementary School. She was really working hard and careful for her teaching, which sparkled the beauty of a girl that attractd me. Later on, through MSN, I knew this beauty little by little and fell in kind of irresistible amusement. From cats, values, families, hobbies, leisure to reflection, the talk with her has always ended for bedtime. I did enjoy the talk. But I confused. After Eva left me, I found myself to be not good at being romantic and to be lazy for surprises that all girls love. I told myself, no more girls or there will be more broken hearts cause my dullness. Why can't I just stop the feeling and be a monk? I am nervous for the coming, but I don't want to stop the feeling. Maybe she is really the one for me and forever. How I long for you, Ko! I won't stop unless you stop. Eva, I am sorry. I uesd to loved you and used to wish to gather with you again. Since the girl, I will let bygones be gone. With those happiness and sadness, I move forward.

實習老師的身份

7/3開始上班至今，已經一個禮拜了，身份也從畢業後的失業轉成教師。暑假的工作的確很輕鬆，這幾天都是9點到校，約11點就回來了。感覺永華國小很有規劃地幫我們做一些職前說明，並指導我們做自我進修，以做未來其他出路的打算。校長周瑞堂，真的是個很有規劃的人，也是個很好的人，連學校的小丁丁也是說我們是跟對人了。感覺有時人生在某些選擇時若是做對了，就可以比較輕鬆完成目標。
永華國小，外表看似舊舊的，可是經過介紹才了解，這間學校人員的活力，是多麼充沛，每個老師依循校長的理念，在自己的崗位上努力。而且一切都為了小朋友，讓我很感動。只是就如大家知道的，其實，現在教育已不在於老師的能力，而是家長的家教與配合度，難了老師，生活教育成了主軸。時代趨勢使學生的自我觀念日益壯大，他們不懼表達自我，可是卻也因此察覺不到他人的感受。難道這兩者真是魚與熊掌嗎?臺灣的社會要強大，還是需要家長的自知與努力。我也當夠了身為七年級生的苦，我自認為並不草莓，但是卻還是因為年紀，被歸為所謂的七年級草莓族。算了，我不計較，只是說出草莓族的大人們，這群草莓是誰種出來的??難道是我們自己發展的嗎??還不就是這個社會的大環境所培養出來的。若是真想批評這些七年級生，倒不如先看看自已把這個社會搞成怎麼樣了。
一個月8000的實習津貼，以最近的工作時數來算，時薪是200元，要珍惜囉~~以後開學，每天要工作8小時，可就要成時薪50元了，到時候真不知道還覺得好不好玩。

大學畢業後的第一次高中同學會

昨天剛從花東玩了6天回來，今天馬上參加了高中同學會，行程滿檔。真是...大忙人!!
今天來了小蒨，喬郁，琬儷，雅晶，秋妤，姿君，阿葳，瀚仁，伊凡，阿嬤，阿妃，郭屁，高銘甫，周杰蔚。阿葳真是4年未見，雅晶也是，不過還是看得出來啦!!不過也是變得很多，都變得女人了，熟起來了說~~
3A二式真的不怎麼樣，大家也都是嫌得沒一塊好，下次別再選那裡了，不過至少大家在那裡玩得很開心，我第一次出去同學會去那麼久的，12點開始，我們聊天聊到4點多，真是可怕，我想店員應該是氣死了吧，哈哈。而且還有兩位沒有付錢的進來，哈啦到最後竟然也沒低消到。其實有點不好啦，下次別做這種事了。不過大家續攤的能力就有些遜色，大家都有其他事，最後剩阿葳，琬儷，小蒨和我四名在新天地美食街聊天。下次，希望能有更多人參加，這樣就更熱鬧了。

Time to go home,cats!

Today,Vicky came back from USA and they went to pick Nico&皮皮 right after I got off my work. Vicky said she would not go to USA to study and study in Taiwan instead. So that means she is not going to put her cats at my place these years. I admit I've started to love the cats because they're so cute and funny. Cats are really lovely if you are willing to give it a try and adopt one. Sometimes we frightens because we are not sure what we will confront. Being confined to ourselves might be one part of the significant things of knowing and controling ourselves. They're really cute and tame, Vicky. You're sure to be a nice mother.

Life is fragile...and we have to be strong!

On 2006.6.11,in the morning,Jana passed away because of a car accident. Jana is a really good teacher who works in Seeds School(種子美語). We did feel sorrow for the death. A Canadian who flew from so far away to Taiwan to make a living and post the salary back to Canada to pay the loan of the study. She worked hard and had only one drawback,a fatal drawback,drinking problem which led her hit the bus face to face when she was totally drunk. Life is really fragile, so we have to be strong.
She is flying back to her hometown today. Maybe to someone who doesn't know her, it's only a story come by,but to all of her friends,it's a knife stabbed in our heart. Jana's boyfriend also drank and died on the road less than 6 months ago. Fatality made the end of their story. Bye-bye forever, Jana, go back to where you belong with all of our care about you. :( In fact, I don't want to say good-bye in this situation. so sad....

聚會~~

今天好開心阿!!打完工後跟著同學去逛花園夜市!!畢業了，沒想到大家都還在，菲菲，均輔，妹妹，采伶，雅雯，幫主，阿容，當然還有圓圓。台晏回高雄，可惜不能參加!大家就這樣子邊聊天邊逛夜市。接著到黃金海岸看海談心，聊這四年的心得~~大家聊開了，聊到別的事，聊個別去玩的經驗。陳均輔最多話了，且生活就像是一齣喜戲，說不完好玩的經驗阿!!大家就這樣聊阿聊阿...幫主，要回彰化了，菲菲，要回台東，雅雯，回澎湖，均輔，妹妹和采伶會繼續待在台南，阿容則要去台中跟她的高中同學一起實習，雖然台灣真的很小很小，這般分離不像分隔干裡，但是我知道有些感情，並不能一直維持得像這一刻這樣，我們各自會有新的際遇，新的感動，新的想法，我們會繼續改變，10年後，20年後，這份感情會如何很難說，或許就變成"你是我的大學同學"這般簡單。希望不會這樣，因為你們，我親愛的教四乙班，真的真的，我很喜歡我們在一起的感覺。班會，上課，我都不會缺席，在未來的集會，我一樣不會缺席，因為實在不想讓我們的情誼變成簡單的大學同學關係。今晚，我們看著天空，從佈滿雲的夜穹，到星星滿佈，心裡的變化是越發不捨，大一入學，迎新露營，舞會，新生盃，大二的大一迎新，社團，大三各個充滿創意的報告呈現，和有吃又好玩的班聚，大四的集中實習，緊張、難忘的經驗，畢業旅行，畢業晚會(唉，我沒到)，太多太多了.....大學真的好好玩，再多個幾年或許會更完美! = =" 下一戰，布魯樂谷，大家再聚聚啦!!^^ 耶!!

Pictures with Roomates in Robes

What a strange day it was! Rain and sunshine took turns showing up when my roomates and I were having time taking pictures together in Pantheon of Cheng-Kung Jheng. It was really beautiful outside the pantheon. Green grass, old banyans, an old bridge and a pool made an extraordinary grounds. Things are always going in the way that we try to capture the times of joy especially when it has gone near the end. This was the first time to take pictures with my roomates in robes and of course the last time.
A few days later and we are no longer students. Sometimes time really goes so fast that we hardly perceive it. Actually why I don't want to let go the feelings is the friendship and happy days I got here. Friendship is indeed worth cherishing.